After the Rain, A Thousand Tomorrows

Dear Sayang, How are you doing? The last week of Ramadan has been heavy, and I wish I could just sit next to you and tell you everything like I used to. I miss that—the way you’d listen, nodding at the right moments, making me feel like I wasn’t carrying everything alone. Pak Ndak was warded because of heart and lung problems. It’s been worrying, and then, as if that wasn’t enough, Mak Ndak had to go for emergency surgery due to some stomach issues. And if that wasn’t already too much, Mak Teh got into an accident and is also in the hospital now. So, kampung is empty. No one is there this Raya. And then, just when I thought the world couldn’t throw more at us, there was a 7.7 earthquake in Myanmar. The tremors reached Bangkok. It reminded me how small we are in the face of everything, how fragile life is. I’ve also been thinking a lot about the Sabah trip. Part of me really wants to go, but another part wonders if I should just use that budget to get a new fridge. It’s funny how someth...

Hi Sayang, I don’t even know where to begin. Maybe with the obvious—I miss you. That hasn’t changed, and I doubt it ever will. But today, I just want to talk to you like I used to, telling you everything that’s happening, knowing that if you were here, you’d listen with that quiet patience of yours, shaking your head at how much I pile on my plate. I’ve been working so much lately. Juggling a financial account for a small agency, handling management accounts for an NGO (which, by the way, is a mess—don’t even get me started on the ledger), and there’s also this consultancy proposal I’m working on. You’d probably say, “When do you plan to rest?” and I’d laugh it off, but we both know you’d be worried. I know I should slow down. I promise I will—by the end of April, I’ve decided to take a step back, breathe a little. Me time. You’d approve of that, right? And, Sayangku, I have some heavy news. A friend of mine has been diagnosed with cancer. The moment I heard it, I felt this cold weight...

Yesterday, I had a me day. A day just for myself, to do whatever I wanted, without obligations or expectations. I allowed myself to enjoy the little things—things that once felt normal but now feel like small victories. I went out, treated myself, and for a while, I felt… okay. Maybe even happy. It wasn’t a forced happiness, just a quiet contentment, a reminder that I can still have good days. It felt nice to take a break from the heaviness, to focus on myself without guilt. But grief has a way of creeping in when you least expect it. This morning, I woke up and realized I didn’t dream of him. I wanted to, so badly. I went to sleep hoping to see him, even just for a moment. But he wasn’t there. And that emptiness hit me like a wave. So I cried. And cried. I know he wouldn’t like seeing me like this. He’d probably shake his head, sigh dramatically, and ask, "Nak kena bebel ke?" But I also know he’d hold me, let me bury my head in his chest, and just be there. And t...

Hi Sayang, I wish you were here so I could tell you everything. Life has been moving forward, in that strange way it does—messy, chaotic, sometimes exhausting. I’ve been trying to keep up. Trying to live. Trying to figure out what life looks like without you physically here. I finally decided to declutter the house. It’s long overdue, but you know me—I would’ve taken years if I did it alone. So, I’m getting professionals to help. I’m keeping some of your things, though. Just a small box. Because some parts of you, I need to hold onto. The rest, I’m letting go, not because I want to erase you, but because I need space to breathe. I think you’d understand. Oh, and I’m getting a new fridge! The old one is barely keeping things cold anymore, and you know I can’t deal with half-functioning appliances. Also, a new bed—because maybe, just maybe, better sleep will find me again. Not that it’s working right now. I keep falling asleep at odd hours, waking up late at night, searching for you in m...

Let's talk about something serious today. The news that makes many of us debating the rationality.  When it comes to government big moves, almost every Malaysian will become a critics, be it supporting the move, against the move or just sit on the fence and watch the drama. So, Sapura Energy is getting RM1.1 billion from the government. Again. They’re calling it “vendor financing,” not a bailout. But let’s not kid ourselves—money is money, and somehow, this struggling company keeps getting it. At this point, the real question isn’t “Should we save Sapura? ” It’s “ How many times do we have to do this?” The Never-Ending Help Sapura has been drowning in debt for years, and every time they start sinking, someone throws them a lifeline—usually funded by public money in some way. Here’s a quick timeline of their "help needed" moments: 2018: RM4 billion rights issue (mostly backed by PNB). 2022: Calls for Petronas to swoop in and save them. 2025: RM1.1 billion, now branded as ...

Ramadan ni memang mencabar. Balik kerja penat, lapar, haus, tapi masih gigih singgah Pasar Ramadan sebab—well, tak boleh lawan godaan makanan sedap. Hari ni, aku pilih sup ayam dan sayur pucuk ubi. Pilihan yang nampak bijak, ringan tapi mengenyangkan. Fasa 1: Sup Ayam Menunggu Dengan Setia Sampai rumah jam 4 petang, aku letak plastik makanan atas meja. Dalam hati, "Nanti Maghrib terus makan!" Tak ada niat langsung nak biar lama. Tapi lepas buka puasa dengan air, mata berat semacam. Aku pun rebah. Tertidur tanpa kesedaran. Fasa 2: Kebangkitan Lapar di Tengah Malam Tiba-tiba sedar jam 11.30 malam. Perut mainkan lagu kebangsaan kelaparan. Aku tanak nasi, excited nak makan sup ayam yang kononnya setia menunggu. Tapi bila buka plastik… bau dia lain macam. Mindaku berperang. " Ah, sayang duit kalau buang." "Tapi... bau dia pelik. Macam ada agenda jahat." "Tapi aku lapar!" "Tapi kalau makan, esok mungkin menyesal di bilik air. " Aku tarik nafa...

Meet my fluffy captor, my laptop blocker, my productivity saboteur—Her Royal Highness, the Queen of Disruptions. Today, she executed a flawless hostage situation, pinning me down with strategic cuddles and refusing to release me until her demands were met (which, of course, included unlimited pets and undivided attention). After a brief negotiation (and some bribery with head scratches), she graciously allowed me to return to work… only to reclaim my lap moments later. At this point, I’ve accepted my fate—I work around her schedule now. But honestly? I wouldn’t have it any other way. She wins, always. And today, she made me smile. #FelineCEO #CatBoss #HeldHostageButHappy #QueenOfDisruptions

Got a call today from an ex-colleague, and wow—what a full-circle moment. She told me that the big corporation I left is now facing some serious uncertainty, with some staff affected due to circumstances beyond their control. Hearing that hit me with a mix of emotions. When I made the decision to leave, some people sneered, some raised eyebrows, and some probably thought I was crazy for walking away from such a big name. But for me, the choice was simple—I wanted to be closer to home, closer to my husband. It was never about climbing the corporate ladder; it was about being where my heart felt right. And now? I feel so blessed, so grateful that I trusted myself. It’s one of those moments where you just sit back and think, Wow, I really made the right call. But at the same time, my heart goes out to those affected. Losing a job, facing uncertainty—it’s rough, and I wouldn’t wish it on anyone. This whole thing just reminds me that life has a way of working things out, even when the p...

Hi Sayang, I don’t even know why I’m writing this. It’s not like you can read it. But I need to say it anyway—I miss you. I miss you so much I don’t even have the words for it. And I love you. That hasn’t changed. It won’t. I go through the day like I’m fine. I smile, I laugh, I do what I have to do. But the second I’m alone, it hits me. You’re not here. And I am. And I hate that. I just want your hug. Just one more time. I want to bury my face in your chest, feel your arms around me, hear your heartbeat. But I can’t. And I don’t know how to live with that. If love was enough, you’d still be here. But since it’s not, I just hope—somehow, some way—you still know. That you can still feel it. Because I love you. I love you, I love you, I love you. Can you stay? Just a little longer?

  Dear Sayang, I visited you last Tuesday. Our first meeting since October 22, 2024. It felt like a long time, but also like no time had passed at all. I stood there, looking at your grave, feeling the weight of everything I’ve been carrying. I miss you. Every single day. And I’ll see you again this weekend.   Ramadhan is different without you. The quiet moments feel louder, the nights feel longer. I find myself buying food just to get out of the house, only to regret it because I know I could have made it better—just like you always said. I smile at that thought. I still cook, still go through the motions, still wake up for sahur. Life moves forward, even when my heart still lingers in the past.   I remember when I walked through the cemetery last Tuesday searching for you. Your batu nisan (tombstone) and kepok isn’t ready yet—it’ll take three months—but I know where you are. Still, I find myself checking each plot number, making sure I reach you as...

Dear Sayang, A friend advised me to let you go. To stop talking about you so much. She means well. She's adorable somehow But how? How do you let go of someone who is a part of you? I will never stop talking about you. I will never stop loving you. Because loving you is like breathing. And you can’t just stop breathing. I found a song translation from William a Thai singer. And the lyrics are beautiful  The word ‘love’ that you once said Helped me breathe again. I just want to hold on to this feeling. The memories will remain deep in my heart. I’ll never forget us… Once upon a time, we loved each other Even now, I still feel you with me. In the way Kenit stays close. In the way I remember your voice, your laugh, your love. The nurses saw it too. They used to say, " Your Sayang is here, " because everyone around us knew. Our love wasn’t just ours—it was something people could see, something real. The last image I’ll remember Is the one where we were in love. The last image...

Dear Sayang,  Ramadhan always brings back the memories—our little stall, the smell of freshly made Roti John filling the air, the joy of seeing customers return, knowing they loved what we made. Our Roti John wasn’t just food; it was a piece of us, our hard work, our late nights, our dreams.   I still remember the heartbreak when our stall was stolen. You were crushed, but you didn’t stay down for long. We picked ourselves up, found a way, and kept going. A motor roda tiga became our new stall, and once again, our Roti John was a hit. But we were young in business—no team, no coordination, just two people trying their best. It was exhausting, but we learned, we grew.   Then life took another turn. You took a stable job, and we turned the business into something smaller, just for special orders. But you never let go of that dream. Even when things got tough, even when the tumor changed everything, you still believed. You still planned. You still wanted to start o...

Let's get serious today. Because it's Ramadhan, we should be good and do good things. Today, I came across a discussion on Facebook about the closure of one of the oldest McDonald's outlets in our mall. Initially, the conversation was filled with sadness and nostalgia. But soon, it took a turn—a turn towards unnecessary racial blame.   Some people started pointing fingers, questioning why certain racial groups, like the Chinese and Indians, weren’t supporting the business. They linked it to the boycott campaign for Palestine, implying that these communities lacked empathy. Then came the subtly comments on Type C, type M, and type H thing. What are we? A cable charger?And now, ironically, some of those same voices are upset that many Malays are losing jobs due to the closure.   But here’s the reality— business decisions are not based on race or religion . They are based on economics, demand, and sustainability. I’ve seen with my own eyes that the outlet didn’t hire on...

Dear Sayang, I shared our story today. Not because it was grand or extraordinary, but because it was ours.    A simple love story—one of teasing glances, quiet patience, and endless laughter. A story of me stubbornly testing your shyness and you melting in ways only I could see. Of small moments that meant everything.   People say love is in the grand gestures, but ours lived in the little things. In the way you always knew how to pujuk me with coffee, how you never once raised your voice at me, how I called you 'Sayang' then you will get shy and I will tease you endlessly. But you always try to find a way just to get back at me.   Our love was never loud, never flashy. Just steady. Just us .   And I believe stories like ours deserve to be told. Because somewhere out there, someone is falling in love just like we did—softly, unexpectedly, and completely.   I miss you, Sayang. Always.