After the Rain, A Thousand Tomorrows

💔 Healing Pack: Grief Edition Untuk hati yang masih mencari nafas di sebalik kehilangan. "Jangan paksa diri untuk laju, tapi jangan berhenti terus." Perlahan pun tak mengapa. Kerana setiap langkah, walau kecil, tetap membawa kau ke hadapan. "Grief tak ada tarikh luput." Kadang ia reda, kadang ia datang seperti ombak. Dan semua itu... masih normal. "Rindu itu bukan kelemahan, tapi bukti cinta yang masih hidup." Dan cinta tak pernah salah. "Kau tak perlu jadi kuat setiap masa. Kadang menangis itu juga satu bentuk keberanian." Air mata bukan tanda kalah. Ia tanda kau masih rasa, masih hidup. "Kehilangan itu bukan penamat cerita. Ia cuma bab yang pedih… tapi tetap penting." Kerana dari situ kau belajar bertahan, bukan untuk melupakan, tapi untuk meneruskan. "Tak apa kalau hari ini kau cuma mampu tarik nafas." Nafas itu pun satu kemenangan bila hati sedang berkabung. "Satu hari nanti, kau aka...

There’s tired. Then there’s “I’ve been caregiving back-to-back since last year and now I can diagnose flu over Zoom with my eyes closed” tired. Tonight, I felt that old unease creeping in. That gut feeling that something wasn’t right. My brother confirmed it “Mak tak nak makan.” So, I did what I always do. Put on my emotional armor, ordered food, marched over, and sat down beside her. She ate. Just like that. My unease? Gone. Replaced by a very warm, very full heart… and eventually, slightly spoiled milk. You see, while waiting for our dinner to arrive, Bonda made tea with milk for me—her little gesture of love. Except, the milk was... um, fermenting with attitude. I told her nicely, “Mak, ni dah basi. Buang je lah.” But of course mak logic activated. “Sayanglah buang. Membazir,” she said, like the tea was brewed from unicorn tears and not expired dairy. I replied, “Sihat tu mahal, mak.” Because hospital bills don’t come with discounts for sentiment. She looked at me, sighed, and said,...

Dear You, Someone reached out today. She asked how I’ve been.. said she hadn’t seen my usual comments, my random posts. She used to look for them, just to make sure I was okay. But lately, I’ve been quieter. So she messaged me. I didn’t know how to answer. How do I explain that life has changed in a way that words can’t really hold? That ever since you’ve been gone, everything is… different. Not unlivable. Just… quieter. Flatter. Less golden around the edges. I still laugh. You’d be proud. I haven’t forgotten how. I still get through the day. Still tick things off the list. But the joy doesn’t feel the same without you here to share it with. It doesn’t reach as deep. It’s surface-level now like a song missing its melody. You used to be in every part of my day. In the way I made decisions. In the way I felt safe. In my routines, in my chaos, in the little things. Now, it’s like walking through a familiar place that doesn’t quite belong to me anymore. I don’t post much these days, not be...

Hi Sayang, It’s 1.34 am. I turn and turn, trying to sleep… One arm under my forehead, eyes on the wall — our wall. Our wedding photo. And then… I cry. Again. Sayang... saya rindu. Rindu yang tak tahu bila akan reda. Rindu yang dalam, senyap, tapi menyesakkan. Ya Allah, Aku rindu suamiku. Rahmati suamiku. Dia insan yang sangat baik, ya Allah. Dia suami yang baik. Ampuni dia. Luaskan kuburnya. Terangi tempat rehatnya. Berikan dia kedamaian yang kekal. Sayang… I will keep saying it: I miss you. I love you. And I promise — I will try harder. To be stronger. To be the woman you always saw in me, even when I couldn’t see her myself. Are you proud of me, Sayang? Am I doing okay? I hope you’re nodding, with that soft smile of yours. Because I’m trying — not just for me. But for you. For us. Moga Allah merahmati kita berdua. Wherever we are — one in dunia, one in akhirat — may we both be held in love, always. I love you, Sayang. Always. And always again. 17 Jun 2025

Picture courtesy of my friend I ordered ramen. Coz my friend showed the picture to me..hey I want it too ! It was pricey. And I didn’t care. Because today, grief was loud. And my heart needed something warm—something that reminded me I’m still human. Still capable of feeling hunger that isn’t emotional. Still worthy of little comforts. Even if it comes with a side of guilt and a receipt that might make me wince later. The ramen hasn’t even arrived yet. But I already know he’d nag. “B, why so expensive? You know you could just eat at home, right?” And then, the sigh. The one that says, "Fine. Enjoy it. As long as it makes you happy." Because that’s who he was. He’d grumble over the cost, then let me indulge without making me feel bad about it. He never shamed me for needing something—even something as simple as overpriced soup. He’d let me have my small pleasures. Because he loved me like that. And I miss that love so much. I miss being known without having to expl...