1.34 pagi

Hi Sayang,
It’s 1.34 am.
I turn and turn, trying to sleep…
One arm under my forehead, eyes on the wall — our wall. Our wedding photo.

And then… I cry. Again.

Sayang... saya rindu.
Rindu yang tak tahu bila akan reda.
Rindu yang dalam, senyap, tapi menyesakkan.

Ya Allah,
Aku rindu suamiku.
Rahmati suamiku.
Dia insan yang sangat baik, ya Allah.
Dia suami yang baik.
Ampuni dia. Luaskan kuburnya. Terangi tempat rehatnya. Berikan dia kedamaian yang kekal.

Sayang…
I will keep saying it:
I miss you.
I love you.
And I promise — I will try harder.
To be stronger.
To be the woman you always saw in me, even when I couldn’t see her myself.

Are you proud of me, Sayang? Am I doing okay?
I hope you’re nodding, with that soft smile of yours.
Because I’m trying — not just for me. But for you. For us.

Moga Allah merahmati kita berdua.
Wherever we are — one in dunia, one in akhirat — may we both be held in love, always.

I love you, Sayang.
Always. And always again.

17 Jun 2025

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

When They Ask How I'm Doing

Image
Dear You, Someone reached out today. She asked how I’ve been.. said she hadn’t seen my usual comments, my random posts. She used to look for them, just to make sure I was okay. But lately, I’ve been quieter. So she messaged me. I didn’t know how to answer. How do I explain that life has changed in a way that words can’t really hold? That ever since you’ve been gone, everything is… different. Not unlivable. Just… quieter. Flatter. Less golden around the edges. I still laugh. You’d be proud. I haven’t forgotten how. I still get through the day. Still tick things off the list. But the joy doesn’t feel the same without you here to share it with. It doesn’t reach as deep. It’s surface-level now like a song missing its melody. You used to be in every part of my day. In the way I made decisions. In the way I felt safe. In my routines, in my chaos, in the little things. Now, it’s like walking through a familiar place that doesn’t quite belong to me anymore. I don’t post much these days, not be...
Read more

Pocket Money from Ibu

Image
Hi Sayang, Hari ini, ibu bagi saya duit. Bunyi biasa kan? Tapi hati saya terus rasa lain. Sebab sejak awak pergi hampir setahun lalu, saya cuba teruskan — tiap bulan saya masih hulur duit pada ibu, sambung apa yang awak selalu buat. Saya tahu itu tanggungjawab awak, tapi saya buat dengan ikhlas, sebab nak rasa awak masih ada dalam rutin itu. Tiba-tiba hari ini, ibu pula yang hulur duit pada saya. Saya senyum… tapi dalam diam, mata saya bergenang. Rasa macam awak kirimkan sesuatu melalui dia. Macam satu isyarat kecil: awak masih ada, masih jaga, masih fikirkan saya. Pocket money kali ini bukan sekadar duit. Ia jadi macam nota kecil daripada awak — “Saya sayang awak, saya tak pernah jauh.” Kadang-kadang kasih sayang itu masih sampai, cuma melalui jalan lain. 💌
Read more