After the Rain, A Thousand Tomorrows

Dear Sayang, Today, the memories hit me harder. One year ago, on this date, you became weaker, and I brought you to ED HKL. I still remember… you were so stubborn, refusing to go to the hospital. In the end, I had to call Halimi and Angah to help carry you into the car. When we reached Jalan Pahang, I hesitated — ED HKL or Hospital Tawakal? Then I decided on HKL. By then, you could no longer stand, your body so weak, and they brought you straight into the red triage zone. I waited for you, Sayang. So many tests were done… you were conscious but so fragile. Today it hurts even more as I read back my FB post from last year — where I prayed you’d recover soon, so we could walk together around the lake in front of our home. That dream never came true. Instead, you came home after 58 days, only to leave me forever a few days later. Sayang, the next few months will be heavy for me. 27 August — the day you entered the hospital. 17 October — the day you were discharged. 22 October ...

  My Dearest Love, Today marks ten months since you left me behind. Ten months… the longest we’ve ever been apart. I still remember when I was away on mission in Indonesia for just one month. You told me then, “That’s the longest I can handle,” even though we still talked every day. Now here I am, ten months without your voice, without your love notes. Ten months of silence that echoes louder than anything. Sayang, I miss you so much. There are no words strong enough to hold this longing. Rindu with no end it hurts. Rindu itu berat. And yet, even in this pain, my heart still chooses you. Always you. Forever you. Rest peacefully there, my love. Until the time comes for us to meet again. Till next time, okay? With all my love, Me.

Hi Sayangku, Hari ni banyak sangat jadi… and macam biasa, benda pertama yang terlintas dalam kepala I: “Kalau you ada, mesti you geleng kepala sambil buat muka risau tu.” Tapi you tak ada. So I had to manage it all… alone. Macam biasa sekarang. Pagi ni, Angah ada appointment. Usually pukul 8, tapi hari ni lambat sikit, appointment dia jam 11. I pelik juga, tapi I tahu… semua ni Allah dah susun. Kalau you ada, mesti you kata, “Jangan question sangat… ikut je. Allah tengah susun cantik.” So kami gerak awal juga, nak secure parking. Tapi bukan 6.30 macam selalu. Gerak 7.00 pagi. Sampai sana… ha, parking memang standard lah, penuh. Tapi somehow… I jadi kereta terakhir yang dibenarkan naik ke atas. Nampak tak, Sayang? Allah bagi ruang tu, just nice. Tapi lepas tu… kereta mula buat hal. Swiftie I… tiba-tiba tak nak start lepas lama idle. Enjin I matikan sebab takut minyak habis I lupa isi malam tadi. Tapi tak sampai E pun. Tapi I tak panik. Pelik kan? I macam... tenang sangat. Maybe sebab I ...