Assalamualaikum Sayang


 
Dear Sayang,

I visited you last Tuesday. Our first meeting since October 22, 2024. It felt like a long time, but also like no time had passed at all. I stood there, looking at your grave, feeling the weight of everything I’ve been carrying. I miss you. Every single day. And I’ll see you again this weekend.  

Ramadhan is different without you. The quiet moments feel louder, the nights feel longer. I find myself buying food just to get out of the house, only to regret it because I know I could have made it better—just like you always said. I smile at that thought. I still cook, still go through the motions, still wake up for sahur. Life moves forward, even when my heart still lingers in the past.  

I remember when I walked through the cemetery last Tuesday searching for you. Your batu nisan (tombstone) and kepok isn’t ready yet—it’ll take three months—but I know where you are. Still, I find myself checking each plot number, making sure I reach you as fast as I can. As if you’re waiting for me. As if I can’t bear to keep you waiting.  

I wonder, do you miss me the way I miss you? Do you see me when I sit in silence, lost in my thoughts? If you were here, you’d probably tease me about my coffee intake and remind me to eat properly. Some habits are hard to break, love.  

Writing this feels like breathing again, like I’m sitting across from you, just talking. Maybe I’ll write to you more often. Maybe that will help with the numbness.  

Until we meet again, in words and in memories. And this weekend, when I visit you once more.  

With all my love,  
Me

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