Bahagian saya

Bahagian Saya

8 October 2025

Hi Sayangku,
Didoakan Sayang dalam rahmah Allah sentiasa.

Saya baru sampai rumah. Balik kerja singgah jap kedai Kak Faridah, order Nescafe ais — craving since morning. Masa nak bayar tu, Kak Faridah pandang saya pelik sikit. Dia cakap, “Kuat awak.”

Saya senyum je, tapi Sayang tahu kan… hati ni terus rasa berat. Saya jawab, “Bahagian saya, Kak.”
Dia senyum balik, tapi lepas tu dia tanya, “Tak nak cari pengganti?”

Sayang, laju saya istighfar. It’s not even a year.
Saya cakap, “Astaghfirullah Kak, jangan… belum lagi.”

Tapi dia teruskan, katanya ada orang tanya — “Isteri Mat Nor tu...”
Sayang, I froze. Macam mana dia tahu? Siap tanya saya ada anak ke tak. Amboi betul.
I just smiled and said, “Eh Kak, belum setahun Kak… saya tak boleh kata tak mungkin sebab masa depan Allah je tahu, tapi untuk sekarang, belum lagi.”

Kak Faridah cepat-cepat minta maaf. Dia cakap dia pun dah bagitahu orang tu, dia tak berani nak usik hal tu.
Tapi Sayang… it felt weird hearing your name like that, from someone random. Rasa macam you were just here a moment ago.

Maybe now I understand why you tak suka tayang saya sangat dulu pada kawan-kawan. You always said, “Let’s keep some things just ours.” Maybe this is what you meant.

Demi Allah Sayangku, hati ni belum terbuka.
You set the bar too high — not just as a husband, but as a man. You made love look easy, kind, patient.
I’m not saying I’ll never move on — only Allah knows what’s written. But for now, no… langsung tak terfikir.

Bonda and Ibu both survived their losses. Kadang saya rasa saya pun boleh.
Tapi Sayang, I still miss you every single day.

Oh, I took a week off by the way.
Maybe I’ll go visit you… and Ayah too.
I just miss sitting there quietly, telling you how my week went.
Miss your smile, your smell, your laugh — everything.

You set a high standard, Sayang.
Not easy for anyone else to reach that.
So for now, my heart stays where you left it.

Rest well, Sayangku.
I love you so, so much.
Till next time, okay?

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