After 500 days, I am still yours, Truly

1 March 2026
Ramadhan, Day 11

Sayang,

Today I felt like talking to you properly. Not just in passing. Not just the quick “I miss you” before tidur. But really sit down and update you macam dulu.

First… urusan harta pusaka dah selesai.

It took time. Banyak borang. Banyak turun naik pejabat. Banyak sabar. There were moments I felt tired doing it alone. Dulu semua benda kita bincang sama-sama. Even small decisions pun you akan dengar pendapat I dulu.

But I did it. Slowly. Step by step. I handled it with the dignity you would’ve wanted. No gaduh, no drama. Clean and proper. I think you would be proud of how calm I stayed throughout the process.

Then… Ibu got into a small accident recently.

Alhamdulillah nothing major. Just a scare. But you know what touched me? Your siblings handled everything beautifully. They stepped in, arranged what needed to be arranged, no chaos, no pointing fingers. In moments like that, I see the values your parents raised you with. It’s still there. Solid.

You would’ve been relieved.

Work-wise… I’m now handling account payable for the region. Yes, region. Bigger scope. More responsibility. More numbers. More deadlines.

Sometimes I wish you could see me now. I’m managing things you used to worry whether I’d be too soft to handle. Turns out, life trained me harder than any corporate course ever could.

Ramadhan this year feels heavy though.

I miss you like crazy.

Breaking fast alone still feels unnatural. I still instinctively think of what you would want to eat. I still imagine you asking, “Air cukup?” or teasing me for being too serious.

Some nights the silence is louder than azan.

And then there’s the world outside.

War headlines everywhere. Israel and USA versus Iran. Missiles. Retaliation. News of bases being hit. Civilians suffering. It’s exhausting to watch from far, knowing ordinary people always pay the highest price.

Inside our own country, emotions are running wild too. One incident, and suddenly everyone becomes judge, prosecutor, and executioner online. Netizens jumping to conclusions. Acting out of anger more than wisdom. Sometimes it feels like people are addicted to outrage.

You would’ve said, “Balik pada ajaran sebenar. Don’t let emotion override justice.”

I try, Sayang. I really try.

Maybe I’m getting older. Or maybe I’ve just seen enough pain to know that anger rarely fixes anything. I just want peace now. In my home. In my heart. In the world, if possible.

500 days is coming soon.

500 days without your physical presence. But I still carry you in the way I think. In the way I choose calm over chaos. In the way I try not to overreact even when everyone else is shouting.

Sometimes I still imagine your head on my lap. Talking nonsense. Complaining about random things. Smiling with those gentle eyes.

I miss that version of life.

But I’m still here.
Still trying.
Still loving you in the only way I know how — quietly, consistently, without expiry date.

I hope wherever you are, you are at peace.

And if you can see me,
I hope you know I’m doing my best. 🤍

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