Fragile...and vulnerable, still

Dear Sayang,

We had an emergency today—Angah was sick.
His breathing was short, and he was sweating like crazy.

I went in the ambulance with him, and in that moment, I thought of you.
Waiting in the Emergency Department at HKL, I was reminded of last August 2024 when I brought you here.
Then, as I passed by the oncology ward and saw the Neuro building, I broke down in tears.

I miss you, Sayang.

I thought I was strong enough.
But the truth is, I’m still fragile when it comes to you.

When Angah fell sick, my mind immediately brought me back to those moments with you—how I used to bring you to the hospital, how we went through everything together. Every corner of that place is filled with memories of us. My steps felt heavy, my chest tightened, and the tears wouldn’t stop.

Sayang, I miss you. I miss everything about you. I miss your hand in mine, your smile that always made me feel safe, your voice that calmed me even in the hardest times.

I thought I had built enough strength, enough resilience. But the truth is, your absence still feels like yesterday. I try to hold on, to keep going, but tonight, I just want to say—I miss you, so much.

Can you visit me in my dreams tonight?
Just to say hi… just to remind me that somehow, in some way, you’re still with me.


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